Silence and Noise

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in awhile. There’s been so much going on at this end of the world. I’m in the midst of packing for my annual (technically) trip home. I recently completed another round of Norwegian lessons. I’m also in the midst of switching jobs. Yes, I have not mentioned that yet. It’s tricky to discuss work on my blog because I work in the Technology field and the last thing I want is my colleagues/employer reading my blog. This is also why there are so few photographs of me on this blog. A little bit of anonymity never hurt anybody, right? :)

Switching jobs is tough. I guess I’m just an emotional person who’s not very good at detaching from stuff so I start to question myself on what I could have done differently. What is “worse” is that I always build some really nice camaraderie with my colleagues and each time I leave a job (not that I have left many jobs..but just saying) I really miss them. [This is where I need to be lectured on the importance of not pouring myself so completely into some of my friendships.]

There’s something special about the jokes and laughs you have with the regular people you work with…and once that moment is gone and you no longer work there, you won’t be the same person anymore; neither will they. And all that is left is that: a moment that once was. I know this from experience: it’s really difficult to be friends with ex-colleagues because you lose that one big thing you had in common: the job. Also, the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” really is true.

It doesn’t help to know that you tried so hard to make things work. Of course, a job is just like a relationship – both people have to work towards it. But what really sucks is when you are reminded of how hard you tried by the stacks of paper on which you planned, drafted, scribbled notes on. That’s the problem with being a perfectionist and always needing a reason for everything. Yet sometimes a reason isn’t enough.

So I guess you could say I’ve been a bit up and down as I’m mourning the passing of my current job and comfort zone. Trust me to always be dramatic and soppy :) I’m doing what’s very common in Norway – going on vacation between jobs. It will be fun – it’s always nice to be home and be fussed over by your family. I will also be celebrating my birthday with my family – after 6 years of being the nomadic daughter. But it will be my 27th birthday. I don’t like celebrating birthdays because they remind me of all the things I have not accomplished and time is running out. I’m also bad at accepting gifts because I feel bad that people spent hard-earned money on me. I love buying gifts for others though :) Talk about double standards.

I guess I should stop being so negative and hard on myself. I’ve been trying to do just that – but as you can see – I’m failing miserably.

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13 responses

  1. *hugs* its true that a part of u gets sad, but i say look at the moments made and simply enjoy them and remember them as that. looking too negatively will make u more glum then happy. other side of the coin is shiny too!
    good luck with ur trip!

  2. I totally see how you’re sort-of mourning the change – after all, it is a change and change can be scary sometimes. However, I hope you’ve some good butterflies about your new job too :)

    And I’m so glad you’re going home to see your family! I hope you’ll have an amazing time with them – and I’m sure they’ll be very happy to see you, you wonderful woman :)

    Do you feel as if you don’t deserve the gifts people give you? :) Because I say you do! I hope you feel worthy of them :) Hug!

    • I’m trying to be realistic and have realistic expectations about the next job :) You’re right about mourning change.. I like change to a certain extent but I’m also a creature of routine and habit, if my routine is messed up I get very flustered.

      Yes, it will be nice to be home for awhile. I’m also going to India with my mother and my aunt end of Summer this year – so ultimately I’ll have a bit more time with my parents this year :)

      I’m not good at receiving gifts ;) I’m better at giving them. Hehehe.

  3. Hi Fieran!

    Funny, I’m the EXACT same way when I transition from one job to another — I always feel so sad and miserable about being the new ‘kid’ in the room. I mean, years spent starting and building relationships at work — and it’s no cake walk, I tell you — only to start from scratch all over again.

    I’m a creature of comfort, so my world completely crumbles when I’m put in a new place with strangers. Gahh!

    And I don’t see anything wrong with investing yourself in the relationships you build at work. Just ’cause you’ve terminated your position does not mean the relationships you’ve built at work end there.

    I hope you feel better!! Good luck :-D.

    • Thank you, Mary. Indeed, switching jobs/comfort zones and breaking routines is tough. I’m a creature of habit, mess my habit and I get all grouchy like a polar bear whose hibernation was interrupted :)

      I used to think that just because I didn’t work in a place anymore, did not mean that the friendship is gone. But, these are mostly guys and unfortunately a lot of guys I know are not really the “keeping-in-touch” kind. They see you when they see you, you know? So unless I make the effort, it’s likely I won’t be meeting up with them anytime soon.

      But life goes on. I’m feeling better – trying to look forward instead of behind. Thank you for your comment :)

  4. *Hugs* There’s always FB to keep in touch with yr ex-colleagues. Granted its not the same, at least in this day and age, you won’t lose contact. I hope your new job will give you much more satisfaction!

    Such a pity that you will be here in M’sia when I would have just left :(

    • True, but most of them are the married-with-kids and don’t really go much on FB :) We’ll see. If the friendship is meant to last, it will.

      Thank you. I hope I will have more job satisfaction too – but ultimately there has to be more to life than a job I guess. I could always find a rich husband and become a Tai-tai but I’d be bored, I think. I need to have stuff to be obsessed about or I get very fidgety.

      It is a pity that we won’t get to meet – but rest assured, we will definitely meet up someday :) Maybe if you go to Sweden again, I could come meet you there? This is a case of “so near, yet so far”. I hope you had a good trip back home and feel rejuvenated to face the beautiful Spring/Summer in Italy. Take care my friend.

  5. So much going on for you but take it easy. You’ll make new friends at the new job, don’t worry la. Then there’s your trip back to Malaysia you can look forward to and meeting me and Sairah, hehehe. Oh and just take the gifts will you? Practice a little give-and-take, I’m sure people just dont want to take things from you always. OKay have a great weekend babe and cheer up!

  6. Love your blogs! And remember, there is no softer pillow than a clear conscience! So, as you move your career forward, bid a fond adieu to your previous employer, have much fun, carpe diem on your brief sabbatical between jobs AND hit the ground running for all your new opportunities and adventures! You will be FABULOUS! :)

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