On Making Friends

I was recently reading this article and I realize it’s so true. I’m not 30 yet (though I feel like I’m 50 some days), but I have to agree. I find it very difficult to make new friends.

Honestly I miss my old friends – the friends I had at university, high school, my earlier jobs – but they’ve all moved on. I do have them on Facebook, but let’s face it: how often do you keep in touch with friends via Facebook? To me Facebook is more for “later”. I always think “Yeah, at some point I’ll message him or her…later” and it never happens.

There are some people who just get you. You find that you don’t have to explain your jokes, you don’t have to explain anything about yourself. They just get you. I’m not very fortunate in this case, I guess, because a lot of the people who get me don’t live near me.

At least once a year, I go to London to meet Matthew. Matthew is my friend from years ago when we I was 19 and we used to chat on IRC a lot. I met him in person when I was studying in Australia afterwards. But, we don’t talk all the time though. I guess this is more of the “mature” friendship where you pick up where you left off, when you meet the person, but otherwise they kind of fade into the background in your daily life.

I actually envy women who sit at cafes with their female friends. I wish I had that. I’m not very feminine and I work in a very male dominated field, so it’s hard to make female friends. I could join some of the “girl geek” clubs but then there will be a lot of discussion on how the Tech field is sometimes not very fair to women and such. I try not to think that way about my job field because I feel that if I have such thoughts in my mind, it will colour my opinion. I really don’t want to be the person who thinks “I didn’t get that promotion because I’m a woman”. I don’t want my gender to matter, at all, at work. So the “girl geek” clubs are not really my cup of tea.

I think what makes it a bit more tricky is that I don’t drink – so I don’t go to clubs and bars. I feel the ambience is wasted on me. I get very fidgety if it gets too noisy and after some point, my head starts to hurt if I have been raising my voice to make sure the other person can hear me.

I wouldn’t say I’m miserable or lonely right now, because I do have some wonderful ex-colleagues who have now become friends, and some really nice current colleagues who are very pleasant to hang out with. But, I don’t really hang out with my current colleagues after office hours…I don’t want to complicate things. Nevertheless, I still do have the bf – who is like my best friend. I only seem to realize that I should make more friends when he’s away πŸ™‚

Do you have any tips for making friends? How did you meet some of your friends?

 

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4 responses

  1. hi, i’m living in Turkey and i found your blog by chance, i guess we have many similarities. i loved it! it has been 7 months since i moved to a new smaller city after 10 years in big city and my social life suuuuccckkkkssss:) i need advices to make new friends too:)

  2. Girl, I hear what you’re saying. But as one of your female friends, I’ll say you’ve done quite a good job befriending me! At least I know you’re here for me and that we have a good time when we meet/met.

    That’s got to count for something πŸ™‚

    And I totally agree with you on the not drinking/enjoying loud places. I find the best place to make new friends is at the gym or school – at least that’s where I’ve made mine in recent years.

    Wishing you a wonderful day!

    • Aww.. Thank you P!

      I don’t really know many people at the gym. I try to smile at some of them but that’s where it usually ends πŸ™‚ I just need to get out of my comfort zone I guess. Attending an expats meet up this Friday, let’s see how that goes.

      My day is going alright so far. It could be better but I can’t complain. Hope your day is going great too.

  3. Making friends is really hard, I’m in a similar place to you, but not as bad because I went to school in Sydney and then moved to Gold Coast for uni, though my friends are in the same country they have moved on with there lives and we still catch up once in a while but its not the same, – and after 4 years I made some friends like you I’m not into the clubbing an drinking scene so it was hard to make friends and after this year I will be moving again to work and I will have to start all over again 😦

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