I was recently reading this article and I realize it’s so true. I’m not 30 yet (though I feel like I’m 50 some days), but I have to agree. I find it very difficult to make new friends.
Honestly I miss my old friends – the friends I had at university, high school, my earlier jobs – but they’ve all moved on. I do have them on Facebook, but let’s face it: how often do you keep in touch with friends via Facebook? To me Facebook is more for “later”. I always think “Yeah, at some point I’ll message him or her…later” and it never happens.
There are some people who just get you. You find that you don’t have to explain your jokes, you don’t have to explain anything about yourself. They just get you. I’m not very fortunate in this case, I guess, because a lot of the people who get me don’t live near me.
At least once a year, I go to London to meet Matthew. Matthew is my friend from years ago when we I was 19 and we used to chat on IRC a lot. I met him in person when I was studying in Australia afterwards. But, we don’t talk all the time though. I guess this is more of the “mature” friendship where you pick up where you left off, when you meet the person, but otherwise they kind of fade into the background in your daily life.
I actually envy women who sit at cafes with their female friends. I wish I had that. I’m not very feminine and I work in a very male dominated field, so it’s hard to make female friends. I could join some of the “girl geek” clubs but then there will be a lot of discussion on how the Tech field is sometimes not very fair to women and such. I try not to think that way about my job field because I feel that if I have such thoughts in my mind, it will colour my opinion. I really don’t want to be the person who thinks “I didn’t get that promotion because I’m a woman”. I don’t want my gender to matter, at all, at work. So the “girl geek” clubs are not really my cup of tea.
I think what makes it a bit more tricky is that I don’t drink – so I don’t go to clubs and bars. I feel the ambience is wasted on me. I get very fidgety if it gets too noisy and after some point, my head starts to hurt if I have been raising my voice to make sure the other person can hear me.
I wouldn’t say I’m miserable or lonely right now, because I do have some wonderful ex-colleagues who have now become friends, and some really nice current colleagues who are very pleasant to hang out with. But, I don’t really hang out with my current colleagues after office hours…I don’t want to complicate things. Nevertheless, I still do have the bf – who is like my best friend. I only seem to realize that I should make more friends when he’s away 🙂
Do you have any tips for making friends? How did you meet some of your friends?