When you live far away from your group of family and friends, you often end up being the person behind the scenes. You know about some of the things that are going on and as much as you would like to be more actively involved, it’s not exactly possible. I remember when I first moved to Norway, there was this wonderful cake delivery service in Malaysia where I could order a cake and deliver it to my parents’ doorstep. I used that service quite a few times. Then they stopped offering that service and I was dumbfounded what else I could do to show that I cared and would have liked to take part in some special people’s celebrations.
But that’s the burning question:
How do you show that you care despite being so damn far away?
I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. I used to think it was by showing appreciation in the form of special treats like those cakes that I used to send, small gifts, trinkets, etc. These days, I think it is time. When I’m back home I try to make time for all the things that I’m normally not around for. When I’m away, I try to have time to chat with the special people via messaging apps so that they know that I am there. Though I don’t think it’s enough, sometimes because by time you find out about stuff it’s too late to step in and help. Honestly, it sucks to be the person behind the scenes. It would be so much better to be the person who is part of the scene. Then again, we can’t have everything, can we? Can’t have the successful career (starting to believe this doesn’t really exist), the four seasons, the slightly better work/life balance, and the elusive “expatriate luxurious lifestyle” (doesn’t exist, I swear) — and still be the person who is part of the scene. This is just one more thing I didn’t consider when I moved from home – being the person behind the scenes.