Finding some calm and peace in this frantic world

I’ve been working with a psycho-motor physiotherapist for the past few months. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking:

“Fieran, what in the world is up with you? First you give up gluten and stop writing about real food, then give us strange photos of weird food that probably doesn’t even taste half as good as a croissant or pizza; now you’re talking about physiotherapy.”

Well, what happened was that I started seeing a doctor and a nutritionist. Then I started to heal. It started with my eczema clearing up. I had eczema for 10 years, off and on it would show up, then disappear. But the last round was difficult because it refused to go away. I had managed to cure one leg, but on the other leg, it remained there: a large patch of dry, itchy skin that just wouldn’t heal. It looked quite scary. And then it started to heal! Today, I no longer have eczema. No more itchy, flaky skin and I can actually wear a pair of pegged boyfriend jeans without having to feel embarrassed about my skin. I have a slight discolouration left from what used to be a scar – but I’m convinced Rosehip oil will heal it. Then the acne started to heal. My skin is nowhere near clear. I have a lot of scars and still get pimples from time to time but they are not so bad. Gone are the large cystic pimples that took weeks to heal. The texture of my skin has improved and I’m lucky enough to not have much pitted scars so I’m confident that in a year or two, I will have much better skin. I don’t plan to do any laser resurfacing because I would like for my body to heal on its own. Time is something I definitely have.

Food-wise I’m completely gluten free for more than a year and eat varied but nutrient dense meals. I try to keep a close eye on what I eat; the whole carb:protein:fat ratio. I can’t have more than 1/4 of my plate with carbs, the rest have to be fat and proteins. I’m pretty okay with that, but I do have my slip ups. I also try to avoid sugar, but that’s a bit of a challenge some days. The next step is to change how I think and learn to be less stress, harried, pressured – but more calm, cool, and centered. This is why I’ve been seeing a physiotherapist who can identify what my body’s stress signals are and teach me how to handle them. A few months ago I started meditating with Headspace. Sounds very commercial, I know. But it actually works. I feel so much calmer and relaxed. I can see the pitfall that I sometimes fall into and then think “this whole day is rubbish” and I am slowly learning how to avoid falling into that dark hole. Last month I started yoga. Honestly I don’t want to be that new-age type of person walking around in tie dye clothing. I know that’s the stereotype. But I really, really need to find a way to survive this crazy world.

You know that feeling, when you wake up in the morning in a nice, happy mood. And then it dawns on you that you’re stuck with a particular problem that you just can’t fix? But you would do anything to fix it – though the solution eludes you. From then on the day just feels bad. You find yourself constantly thinking about the bad things, but not the good things – despite having some good things to be grateful for. So I started yoga and it’s been going okay. I’m neither flexible nor nimble. I look really silly at class, but since it’s a class where I know nobody — and more importantly nobody knows me, I figured it’s okay to look silly.

Remember my Bell’s palsy? Technically  I healed, but I still see some asymmetry in my features which bothers me. I know it sounds vain, but I never really appreciated the symmetry in my features. I took it for granted but when it was gone, I felt so sad that I didn’t look nice any more. I’m actually somebody who obsesses about symmetry.  I like lighting fixtures to be exactly straight; I love a well organized bookshelf. So losing my facial symmetry was hard to deal with. Lately, I see some improvement in my facial symmetry. So that’s a good thing 🙂 Ultimately, I’m the same person; but also different. Why be the same, if you can progress and be better, right?

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