I don’t like to blog when things go wrong. I sit and simmer, stew, and then boil over internally — but I try not to blog about what is going on. This is because I’m a firm believer in the universe returning what I give. So I worry that if I give out angst, anger, frustration, or disappointment; that’s just what I’m going to get in return from the universe.
That said, I’m not perfect; self-improvement is a lifelong task.
For a very long time, I was stuck in a rut with a special type of problem. No matter what I did, the outcome was always the same. I couldn’t solve this problem. I would spend hours thinking about my options, mentally running through them to see which one I could choose and what type of outcome I might get. I replayed these different scenarios every day.
The strange thing about this type of problem is that it consume you. You cannot do anything else. It takes all of your energy. You spend a long time running on the wheel like the proverbial hamster, trying to find a way to get out of this rut.
The wedding last year was a wonderful distraction away from this problem. It was reaffirming to know that there’s so much more to this life than the problem I was stuck with. A good reminder that life goes on; but I was also hell bent on bringing my best self into our marriage, so I added on the healthy eating to cure my eczema and acne to my plate.
But after the wedding and honeymoon, like a bad penny, this problem reared its head again. It was a problem I couldn’t solve. However, being a type A, productivity obsessed, solution oriented person – this truth was something I couldn’t handle. I mean, why would the universe give me a problem I couldn’t solve? It can’t be that hard, right?
Eventually I came to terms with this. But it was a long, uphill battle that left me so tired and drained. The husband and I realized that the best solution here is to move countries and start afresh, to move me away from this problem because it was never mine to solve in the first place. This new opportunity is a blessing that I’m very grateful for.
So now the race begins, to pack everything that we want to keep, get rid of everything that we don’t want; clear our minds, open our hearts, and move to a new country and city to rediscover our zest for life. Learn how to live in a different way.
We sold our apartment earlier this month and it was bittersweet. As much as I love our apartment, I knew that I had to let it go to move on to better things. Next month we are moving to Berlin. I’m still in the process of packing up my stuff (the husband is lucky that he has less belongings than me). We are very lucky that the furniture that we have listed up for sale or to be given away seem to get some interest so we have managed to find new homes for some of these pieces. It’s a nice feeling to see the new owners of these pieces be so happy that they got something they really wanted at a good price (hopefully).
I guess the next time I write here, I might be in Berlin. But let’s see, if inspiration strikes.